The Top 5 Bizarre Fish for Your Home Aquarium

Welcome to the first every Fishy Friday, where I’ll be taking a look at fish and other aquatic wildlife for your home aquarium. We’re going to start things off with a bang by appealing to the weirdos out there. It’s easy to fill your aquarium with bright, colorful fish, but some folks prefer to take a somewhat unorthodox approach to aquascapes. If you’re one of those people, then this list should give you an idea of bizarre sea creatures to populate your aquarium.

5. HUMAN-FISH

We tend to see human faces everywhere — in tree bark, on toast, and among fluffy clouds. It turns out that it also applies to fish. Fish in a Korean koi pond made headlines when someone spotted their eerie, human-like faces. Ugh, it’s like something out of a creepy horror movie.

4. LIGHT-VOMITING SHRIMP

If you scare a squid you can expect a face full of black ink. This Caribbean shrimp barfs up a milky, faintly glowing liquid as a defense system. I suppose the theory behind it is that a fish will spend too much time thinking, “What on Earth did that thing just squirt at me?” and give the shrimp enough time to swim to safety. What I want to know is what happens when one of these shrimp and a squid get in a fight. Would it look like some sort of underwater ying-yang symbol?

3. FACELESS GOLDFISH

Ranchu goldfish are known for the odd, bubbly growth around their faces. On some fish, the growths are so pronounced and the eyes are so dark that it looks like their entire face has been taken over by pimples. I remember grappling with zits when I was a teen, but it was never quite this bad.

2. STRIATED FROGFISH

A while ago, I noticed a strange smell in the kitchen. It took a bit of investigating, but I eventually figured out that some food had fallen in tiny crack between the fridge and the stove. I managed to knock it out with a broom and discovered that the thing (whatever it used to be) had developed its own ecosystem with fuzzy bits, tentacles, and green fur. It begged me to let it live, but I had to put the poor thing out of its misery.

The striated frogfish kind of reminds me of that lumpy hunk of former food.

1. THE SUIHOGAN

“Are you doing OK? Do you need a nap or something?”

“Yeah. I’m a little tired. How can you tell?”

“You’ve got bags under your eyes.”